1MinuteSermon by Tamara Lowe

Healing Prayer

I prayed for someone with cancer last night...OUT     LOUD!  I was so scared, but it wasn't about me.  Thanks be to God for giving me the words. 

Small Groups and a Cool Story

This Sunday my small group attended Northwoods together, and the message delivered by Pastor Cal was awesome!  He told of many success stories and ministered to everyone there so well.  I heard that he read an e-mail of mine and and mentioned my name during the message on Saturday night.  I wish I could have heard him!  I didn't know he was going to do that!
It has been a long, long road for me to get to where I am today. I feel so loved by God, and I still have a few things to work out inside my own head.  But God has brought me to where I am today. Without Him, I would be floundering in deep, murky waters that would eventually make me burst from the inside out. 

So last Thursday I received an e-mail from a co-worker (T) asking for donations for another co-worker (A).  When I first read it, the number 60 popped into my mind.  I didn't really think much of it, expect I did think, "60 dollars? Really?"  and then went on with my day.  Friday, after school, I looked in my wallet, and all I had was a 10 dollar bill. I gave it to T and told her I would bring more on Monday.  As I walked away, I wondered how much I would hand her on Monday because 60 dollars is more money than I usually ever give.  A's daughter has brain cancer, and the tumors are inoperable.  She is about 26 years old, and the doctors are not giving her much to look forward to.  Monday rolled around, and I remembered my checkbook.  I had written A's daughter a prayer of healing since I have never met her.  T was going to drop it off when she dropped off the donation.  In my class at Northwoods, I am learning how to pray for healing, and I thought this was a perfect opportunity to use what I have learned.  Listen, Pray, Bless.  I ran out to my car to get my checkbook, and as I did, I felt a nudge from God...give them the full 60.  Money was never squandered in my household growing up, and it was hard for me to say here take it, but I wrote a check out for 50 dollars and gave it to T.  I explained to her that I felt God told me to give 60 and while I normally would not have donated that much, I wanted to step out in faith and be obedient to God's will.  While my 60 dollars will not perform some extraordinary miracle, I feel that I had made an extraordinary leap in my own faith journey.  As I walked out of the room, I felt so good about my decision and thanked God for his role in my life.
That night as I laid sprawled out and exhausted on the couch, I received a text from T.  She said,
"I gotta tell you that God used you today to speak to me about obedience - I need to listen AND follow His promptings instead of trying to compromise. Jesus didn't compromise at the cross and I need to remember that!  Thanks for reminding me!  Love ya dearly my friend."

I can't tell you how my insides felt as if I had a million beads shower me with God's love.  It was so awesome!  Then I had texted a friend who stopped by for lunch today. We ate out in the dugouts by the softball diamond.  I found she was in need of prayer and while our time was cut short, she knows she is in my heart and my prayers.  In class today we came upon the subject of divorce and one girl was mentioning how her parents fight all the time and I told her I would pray that her parents will work things out.  She immediately said, "Thank you so much."
God keeps finding small ways to make my life so meaningful, and I am so thankful for that!

As I say to my students every day when they walk out the door for first hour, "Be good people, make good choices."  On this blog I think I might add, "And listen for those nudges so you can deliver a miracle no matter how small."

God's Hands Pic

Picture doesn't do it justice, but if you look right along the treeline it is as if the clouds are reaching out toward you.  It was a powerful moment when you are belting out "You Are Everything."

God's Hands

I was driving home from meeting my sister at Kohl's to give her a change of clothes. It was then that I put my right hand at the top of the steering wheel. I had my IPOD hooked up and was jammin' to the likes of Jeremy Camp, Fee, Casting Crowns, Downhere, and more. I was singing "You are Everything." That is when I noticed it. Through the clouds, it looked as if fingers were stretching out toward me. The light shone through just like it looks at Northwoods during worship. The stream of light is smoky yet runs deep. It causes you to stare through it, in it, and see beyond it. The fingers stretched across the sky wider than you could imagine and reached toward me as if to call me home. I took a picture with my phone. I am not sure how well it turned it, but I just wanted to capture the moment. My hand still on the top of the steering wheel, I opened it and stretched my fingers comparing them to the sky above. The similarity was there. It moment just touched me heart, and it will probably mean nothing to others, but it meant something to me. I feel as if God is revealing himself to me more and more each day. I have my small group to thank for that, the people in my class, Doing What Jesus Did, the wonderful people who love me and believe in me, the Christians who help guide me and give me lots of hugs, and Cal, for being the brave, amazing, Awesome pastor that he is!

Life can be hard, but life is oh so good.

I find myself trying to hard to deliver God's miracles, and I need to look for the signals Cal talked about in church today. Can't wait to see what this week brings.

I had this dream...

One day last week, I had a terrible, horrible day filled with negative thoughts and beating myself up over the smallest things. I would almost cry at any little thing. I was frustrated, upset, and short-tempered, and I really hated myself for being like that. I tried to stop, but the enemy sure had me that day. It was terrible, and it was everything that was driving me crazy. My busy schedule, the neediness of my students, the frustration with not knowing how to coach basketball, the guilt and sadness associated with a predicament with my fiance all contributed to collective disgust and hatred. I went to bed upset and mad at the world. Then I had this dream...

There were rows and rows of beautiful, old houses. The kind people like to fix up and restore to the original craftsmanship. They were covered with layers and layers of tiny, intricate, unique snowflakes as if those minute flakes were trying to protect the houses from decay. My dad was walking beside me almost behind me. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him talking. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. It was all muffled coming in staccato sounds. Everything was covered with white, white snow. We had shovels in our hands, but we didn't shovel the snow. We walked along the buried sidewalk. Together. Even though the flakes grew bigger and bigger falling like a rainbow of Skittles, the air didn't feel one bit cold. I felt safe with my dad, a sense of urgency and anxiousness plagued me. Then clear as a bell, my dad said, "Look up ahead. What do you see?"
"It's green. That doesn't make sense. It is green. Why can we see the grass?" I asked puzzled.
The house looked as it would on a fall evening after the first frost. No birds or animals running around. Just still. Silent. Peaceful. Calm. We stood on the snowy sidewalk looking at the pavement just a few feet ahead, at the pungent green color of the grass around the house, the intricate designs on the shutters. He said, "Make a choice. Now. How do you want to live?"
Still not able to see my father, I tried to turn my neck toward him and couldn't because my eyes were connected to the green as if by a magnetic field.
"Look at the peacefulness. Find your Calm," he said commanding me to do so as if I didn't really have a choice in the matter.
"Father," I begged.
"Yes, my child," he said with a deep voice that I recognized as God's voice. "I am here...always."

That is when I woke up. I think it was God. He was calling to me when I was fed up with everything, stretched to my breaking point. He reached out to me when my defenses were down, when I couldn't second guess myself. He was telling me He loves me.

And when people say, "The good Lord knows I needed it," whatever it may be at the time, well, he REALLY does KNOW.

Thank you, God, for your presence in my life.

Why?

Why is it that I get so excited during the message at church? I am ready to go out and let God work his miracles through me. Then I get out there and...(crickets).



Why do I let the little things bother me?
Why am I energetic and ready to tackle the world's problems one day and mad at the world the next?
Why do I feel so 'worth' it one day and lower than pond scum the next?
Why do I stuff myself so full only to feel guilty about all I have eaten later when I am trying to fit into a wedding dress!!!!
Why do I worry when I need to give it up to God. He has a plan.
Why do I not trust in Him enough? What do I do when I feel myself start to shut down?
Why does life have to get in the way?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love teaching because I really can change lives that way. The way you tease, react to situations, the way you give kids the chances to redeem themselves, build them up, pat them on the back, love them especially when they don't get that love from home. All those matter. I matter. I guess that is why I love teaching so much. I matter. In at least one kid's life. I matter.

Holy Spirit

Hearing Bruce Wilkinson today at Northwoods really touched my heart. When we were up front committing ourselves to listening to the Holy Spirit in our everyday lives, I truly felt something. It was the weird thing, but I felt as if I was being held by something or...another. I felt as light as a feather, and I had a weird taste in my mouth. After I got my book signed, he said to me, "It is a challenge isn't it?" I told him I was up for the challenge. I was ready to go out and say, "What can I do for you?" I think I was looking too hard for someone. I just need to relax a little, and if I feel a nudge go for it. I am questioning myself too much. After church, I went grocery shopping, and it is the same people who work every Sunday when I go. I thought, "should I ask them what I can do for them? They are always so pleasant!" I didn't though. I wondered if I missed out. In the checkout line, Omar packs my bags every Sunday. I told him I remembered him and asked if he worked every Sunday. He said yes and asked if he could push the cart out for me. I said no, thanks, and have a good day then went on my way. I think next time I might say, Thanks, Omar, I would appreciate that, and find out a little bit more about it. Ask him what his story is. Who knows? Maybe I'm supposed to ask. I can't wait for the week to begin. I truly understand that the Holy Spirit is living in me, and I think I just heard Him say, "Hello, it is about time, girl!"

Oh no.

So I was reading over my last post, and I decided I was partly wrong in that some people truly enjoy being alone. Maybe not just all the time. Who am I to say that some people aren't being honest if they say they are happy when they are alone. Maybe I am just the type of person that loves being around people, loves caring for people, loves helping people. But sometimes, I do enjoy that quiet moment of prayer, the porch swing creaking as it rocks, the time in my car with the radio turned off and just peace. I hope I didn't offend anyone...not that anyone reads this! Although I hope they do. I guess my main point is that relationships are extremely important and are what make us who we are in this life. Our friendships, our relationships with our parents and siblings. Our relationship with GOD! I just wanted to point out that the People Key is so important, and without relationships we would all be lost souls. Hope I am making sense and not just rambling. Peace.

The People Key

Anyone who claims to be completely happy when he or she is alone is someone who is not being honest with him or herself. Isn't that why people stay in abusive relationships? Isn't that why I dated a guy I knew I would never marry for longer than I should have? Isn't that why we (well most of us) are always looking for that person with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives, with whom we want to raise a family, with whom we want to laugh, cry, get through the hard times, cherish the good times, and worship the Lord? The People Key really is a crucial key. Relationships matter. How others view you matters.

Now dealing with people isn't always easy whether it is with a future husband or wife, colleague, boss, friend, sibling, parent, or stranger. But no one said life was easy for everyone, everyday, everywhere. Some are in a better position at any given time than others, so that is why we must make God's agenda our own. That is why we must be delivery agents and flow with God's plans.

Cal talked about us being Triple A Agents. Anyone! Anytime! Anywhere! We need to be willing to carry out God's plan - no matter the person, setting, or whatever. It is not what suits us, but part of God's master plan. If we are willing, if we take off our preferred people glasses, maybe just maybe by obeying God, you will bless someone in ways you can't imagine.

Cal said, "Even when there is no great outcome to your miracle delivery assignment, God will bless you for your simple childlike obedience." I believe that sometimes there is no way of knowing how great the outcome truly is. I had a bad week last week regarding basketball. I was feeling completely insecure, I was feeling sorry for myself, I was regretting the decision to coach and help out the family who needed it, I was discouraged by reports of the girl's dad and his smoking habit. It was all about me, poor, poor me. Then two wonderful ladies saw my heart was hurting, and they prayed for me. That is all it took to rejuvenate me. To say, "ENOUGH! You were moved to do this for a reason. Love the girls, teach the girls the game and more importantly good character." I felt so much better after I walked out of the church that night, and even though we lost three games this weekend, I know I was a much better coach because of it. So thank you Diana and April. I don't know how 'great' you thought the outcome of your simple prayer and hugs would be, but I like to think that they helped me to reach out to 11 girls and who knows how many people they will affect in their future. Maybe the will remember something really cool I said or did that will help change someone else's life.
The People Key really is what it is all about. I challenge everyone to make God's agenda your own. Make yourself available to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Then you may truly begin to understand how fulfilling your life may be.

Smile

All it takes is for someone to say something nice and it can change your whole day around. I have been struggling with coaching basketball. I am not confident in myself at all, yet no one else would step up to do it. I just don't think I am serving these kids like someone else could be. All last week I was hearing the voice of the enemy...tearing myself to shreds over basketball. I was selfish thinking about all that it was keeping me from...the things I really wanted to do like my small group and my class at church, from working out, from just sitting on the couch watching tv, or taking walks with my fiance. Then beginning on Friday through today, 8, yes 8, people either texted me or told me to my face or through e-mail what a good job I do with the girls. They told me how positive I am, how much those girls need me, and that I am really making a difference in most if not all of their lives. The comments made me smile. I needed them and the prayers of those who told me they would. It helps to know that someone out there is thinking about you when you think no one is. Cal told me when I feel myself start to drift from God, I need to take a step back and cling to Him. Grab onto the Word, grab onto the power of the Holy Spirit within me so I can continue His good works through me. Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere. Smile and get that Triple A mentality!

Small Group goes above and beyond:Bball update

If you remember the story about my basketball player's dad, here is an update. Her dad is struggling mightily right now. I haven't talked to him in over a week, and I am very anxious to see him again. I have been giving his daughter gum and notes to encourage him. When I went to my small group meeting on Thursday, there was a gum bag sitting on the counter. I was told it was for the basketball player's dad. I almost started crying. I was shocked by their generosity, love, and desire for him to succeed...someone they didn't even know. Thank you to all who contributed. It means so much to me, and I know when I see him next he will be better off because of you! Updates to come. Dear Lord, May Mr. G. have a breakthrough soon. Give him the strength to overcome this deadly addiction so he can cherish and love his family for many days to come. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Journey to God continued...

I didn't think I had a personal relationship with God. Well, no, I knew I didn't. In January of 2009, I listened to Cal one snowy Sunday morning, and he asked those who prayed the Sinner's prayer with him to raise their hands. I was one of them. I was sick of not knowing Him. I wanted in on the secret. Everyone I met at Northwoods just seemed so at ease, happy, peaceful, and calm. I wanted that. Cal really touched my heart with every message, and I wondered why I had never felt awakened like I did now. After the service, I didn't really know what came next. I knew Cal was someone I had to get to know. I was drawn to him, and I felt that if I knew Cal I would somehow figure out this whole Jesus thing with his help. Plus, he is a really cool guy. I wanted to meet Cal, but he was nowhere to be seen. I asked around all the desks until I found someone that tracked him down for me. As Cal walked up to me, I felt this incredible wave of emotion. It was fear, hope, excitement, worry, and comfort all rolled into one. He gave me a hug, and said, "You are the girl in the second row." I nodded my head, and everything else was a blur. All I remember after that is Cal praying a wonderful prayer for me, giving me another hug, and taking me to get a YES packet. I listened as soon as I got home. I couldn't believe with all of those people around that he took the time to talk to me. I felt so special because of that, but I still didn't feel all that different even though I prayed the prayer that said I believe Jesus Christ is my savior. I didn't know what to think, and again the questions came rolling around in my head like fifty pinballs in one machine. Every now and then I would talk to Cal or send a short e-mail. But during the next few months, my life went into a tailspin. I let a close friend control me, and whenever I tried to address the issue I ended up saying how sorry I was and I didn't mean for me to hurt her. I was busy working on my Master's and coaching volleyball and working out nonstop to try and fit some image seen in magazines or tv shows or people around me who were everything I wasn't. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I am a perfectionist anyway, but it began to affect every single aspect of my life. I hated myself, and I didn't know how God could love me when I didn't love myself. Eventually, I severed the friendship (which was very hard), I finished my Master's with a 4.0, and life began to settle down. However, some of the damage was not reversible, and some things I was doing became a part of my life that was still causing me harm. In July of 2009, I had e-mailed Cal about something, and the next Sunday, he met my boyfriend at the time who didn't know God and didn't really care to know him either. He believed that getting to Heaven was by being a good person. I used to think that, but I was learning differently. I was upset that he cared more about drinking with friends that he did about me, but I stayed with him. We were walking up the aisle leaving when Cal called my name a couple of times before I heard. We stopped and turned. I was surprised it was Cal. So I introduced my boyfriend to Cal, and Cal asked me...he looked me right in the eye, and he said, "The lake baptism is in a couple of weeks, did you get signed up?" I told him I didn't think I was ready. He grabbed my hand, and he again looked me in the eye, and said, "You are ready, Mandi. You are ready."
I wasn't so sure. How could he know if I was ready? What did it mean to be ready? Me? This person who couldn't get her head on straight was ready? Why did he have such faith and confidence that I was? There was something about the way he said it with such conviction that I thought about it for the rest of the day.
Two days later, I signed up for the lake baptism on August 30, 2010. I will never forget it. I asked my boyfriend, my mom, and my two "Washington Moms" to come and celebrate and watch me get baptized. I was soooooooo scared. SOOOOO scared. My boyfriend wasn't going to come, my uncle, who was very sick at the time, was visiting my mom, so she didn't come. I wanted her to so badly, but she didn't. So my two Washington moms, Leiana and Shari Parker, came with me. It was a cloudy, cold day especially for August. People were in jackets and scarves. It was almost as if God was daring us to prove our faithfulness by making it such a chilly day with the cold water. After Cal's message, we went down in the front of the church and reiterated our faithfulness. I then changed into my shirt. I was sent downstairs to the bathroom, and I was the only one in there. I couldn't believe that I was the only one. There were a ton of people up front. That made me even MORE scared than I already was. I finally went upstairs after taking some deep breaths and I was directed outside. My "Moms" were there, and they gave me hugs and let me down toward the water. After such a long five months of torment and negativism, I so anticipated the event, yet I was just so scared. I stood by both of them and just watched. I told them I wanted Cal to be the one to baptize me. Leiana pushed me ahead and said, "Go on. You are ready to start your new life with Jesus at the center of it." Cal's line was empty, and I stepped in the water. It was a little chilly, but I just focused on Cal. It was then that he saw me, and as I took tentative steps toward him he opened his arms so wide. When he gave me that big bear hug and whispered how special I am to God, I wasn't scared anymore...to be continued.

Journey to God continued...

So I left off in late 2008 where I would hit and miss church at Northwoods, but I felt something stirring inside. Some magnetic force pulling me to Northwoods. It was like when you hold two magnets close together, but you don't let them touch. You feel the power pulling, pulling; yet you resist the force and do not allow the magnets to touch each other. So imagine Northwoods as one magnet and me as the other. I felt the pull, the desire to be there, but I so often resisted it. I don't know if I was scared or what. Even though I attended church and Sunday school my whole life, I didn't understand the true meaning of the gifts I had been given. Baptism was more a declaration of what church you go to or attend on a weekly basis rather than a public declaration of the acceptance of Jesus Christ as your God and Savior. I didn't get it. All of these questions kept popping up in my head. I always turned to Leiana and Kris. They always told me I am thinking too much with my head and that God is a matter of the heart. Last night in a class at Northwoods, Bobbi said those same words, and I was reminded that God is with me at all times. I need to put my faith and trust back in Him.
That Christmas I attended a service and was amazed at the amount of time and effort went into it. Cal's message about opening your heart to Jesus to be saved really made me think. I didn't think I had that relationship with Him...(I better go, or I will be late for work.)
More to come on MY Story...always look for title Journey to God continued...

Be blessed today.

Are you AVAILable?

There is this thing called life. Sometimes it moves at a snail's pace when one is looking forward to an event. Sometimes it moves so fast it is like the blink of an eye. Other times we let all the hustle and bustle and activities and responsibilities get the best of us. We put things first that shouldn't be. We think of ourselves before others, before God. We contemplate why things don't go our way. Then you meet someone with cancer. Or a kid whose mom is dying. A guy whose striving to bring others to Christ while his own body fails him. You finally stop to realize that you aren't focusing on the right things. That you want more for yourself. And when you prayer the prayer that asks God to allow you to be his delivery person. To send YOU. You focus once again on what truly matters in this world. Living Like Jesus.

Today, Pastor Cal challenged us to prayer this prayer every day during our small group journey..."Today I am a delivery person for God. Please, Lord, send me." He dared us to do so. I accept the challenge. Do you? Do you accept the Master Key? The key that gives you Access to the throne room of heaven? Do you Volunteer to do His good works? Do you Agree (in advance) to act when you are nudged by God? Do you Invite God's spirit into your life to lead and empower you? Do you Look for God's activity as you go through the day?

I never thought I would be able to perform miracles. I think I have had the taste of one, and I want more. I am AVAILable to you, God. Please send me on a miracle mission today and forever more.
Do you accept? Grab the Master Key and go for it!

(based on Cal Rychener's message on Oct 2-3, 2010 and also based on Bruce Wilkinson's book, You Were Born For This)

"You're Not Alone" DownHere

I just LOVE that song. I was rushing around this morning trying to get ready, and it came on the radio. It is so true, and I have to trust that more than I do. I guess that is why they call new Christians 'Baby Christians."

Pastor Cal's mother passed away recently, and I only saw her once from afar. It was during Cal's birthday celebration. All of his brothers and sisters came to church and sang together. It was awesome. I just remember watching her smile proudly at her son as he spoke. He has touched a lot of lives through his work in the ministry, and I know she probably couldn't express how incredible she thought her son was. I am not a mother YET, but I am a teacher. So much of what a person is like is a direct result of their parents. So to Mrs. Rychener's testament she did one amazing job being the mother of all of her children. To have lived a fulfilling, God-centered life and being going home to her Maker must be some sort of comfort for Cal and his family. My heart and prayers go out to them during this time of sweet sorrow. I am proud to be a part of the Northwoods family who has such an amazing leader. Mrs. Rychener...ya done good!

I had a dream that I was in Discoveryland, and Cal was there. He told me that his mom had passed away. Then all of a sudden my mom appears. She talked to Cal and to me. To see her at Northwoods was awesome. A great surprise visit. Maybe it was a sign of great things to come. She left, and Cal told me to just love her. I don't call as often as I should. I think I need to give her a call today and just tell her how much I love her.

Side Note: Talked to M's dad last night. Only had 2 cigarettes all day. I am so proud of him. He talked of needing some motivation and wanting to motivate M to do her best as well. He took the first step. Now I'm ready to encourage. I'm going to buy him a big tub of gum.

I Think God May Have Intervened Today

I coach the 6th and 7th grade girls basketball team at my school. I am taking the place of a guy whose wife had some type of stroke. She is doing much better (Thank you, God!), however, he needs to be home with his kids and wife right now. No one else would step up to the plate to help him out, so I did. I always think, "What if that was my family, and no one would help me out?" I guess I did the right thing. I don't know. My heart was telling me to help out, and if my heart is telling me that well it is probably God or the Holy Spirit or does that mean both of them (?) saying, "Get your butt out there and do some good!" Despite my hesitancy, despite my lack of self-confidence, despite a lot of things, I felt smacked upside the head today by God who seemed to tell me that I need to trust in Him no matter what, and I will be able to help people like I want to. I was reviewing chapters 1 through 3 in Bruce Wilkinson's book, You Were Born For This, for my small group meeting. In them, he talks of God wanting to use everyday people to do his good work. We just have to be open and willing and trust that God is in control.
Our first game was tonight, and I woke up irritable and nervous. While I was getting ready, I prayed to God. I said, "God, please help me to calm down. To trust myself and know that I will do the best job I can. God, please use me today to perform some small miracle...no matter how small. I don't care. Just use me to do some good deeds and help others." After I said that prayer, I felt better. Calmer. Ready to start the day.
The day flew by, and before I knew it, lunch was being served. Before I went to the lounge to eat my yogurt and grapes, I filled out the basketball book and marked in the starters. All morning, I was deciding between two girls. One was taller. The other shorter and a little quicker. I went with the shorter one. I am not sure why really. I think it had to do with her constant effort at practice. With her drive to succeed. With her knowledge of the plays compared to others. I was proud of her, and I knew I wanted to reward her for her hard work. During study hall with my homeroom students, the boys were trying to guess who the starters were. One boy guessed them all correctly on the first try. I asked him why he would choose the girl I had chosen, 'M'. He said, "Not sure, really." Besides the fact that 'M' works hard, I didn't have a much better reason. It just felt right. I can't really explain it, but I knew I was making the right decision. Not three hours later in the gym, the girls and I were getting ready to run through plays one last time. I told them who the starters were and 'M' goes, "Really! I am starting! YES!YES!YES!" Now I am not one to let bragging slide by, so I asked her why she reacted that way. She proceeded to tell me the following (to the best of my memory)...
Miss Cioni, you won't believe this. Oh, I am so happy right now. Okay, well, my dad promised me...well, all my life my dad has smoked. He smoked cigarettes since he was like 18. He went to work this morning, and then called my mom around 6:00 or 6:30. Well, he told my mom that if I started tonight he was going to QUIT SMOKING.
[I am not sure of the look on my face, but I can't imagine how hard it is to quit smoking, and I really hope he can do it. Not only for M, but also for his own health.)
"Really, M? Wow. I just want you to know that it is super hard to quit smoking, and there will be ups and downs with it. Good days and Bad days. But we will help him through it okay? Sometimes people just need a reason. And hey, darling, you're it. Couldn't have a better reason, huh!"
She beamed, and she continues.
I am so excited. I can't believe this!

At that moment, I was just happy for her and knew I made the right decision. We were practicing plays, and I was focused on other things. So after the game, I talked to M's mom. We discussed the situation, and she asked me if I knew about it. I told her I didn't know a thing about it until M told me, and...I stopped there. When I began again, I had a new perspective. In about two seconds, fifty thoughts flashed across my brain. Was this God? Did he nudge me in the direction of M starting? What were my reasons for starting her? If someone else was coaching, would she have started ?(I'm not so sure that she would have even though she deserved to.) Did this have something to do with my prayer? and a million other thoughts!

Did God SHOW UP today? To see the smile on that little girl's face, I can't tell you how incredible it feels. I didn't know that her dad just called on a whim. I didn't know! That is what makes it so cool. I used to be one of those people who would say it is a coincidence. Well, now I think it is a 'Godincidence' completely orchestrated by Him.

If this is the reason I am coaching basketball this year...to help this dad quit smoking so he can be healthier for his family and himself, so he can make great memories with her as she gets older, so he can live a full, LONGER life...then it is totally worth it.
Hey, we all have things we want to work on. I know I have a few habits I need to kick very badly, so M, you and your dad inspired me too.

Is this what Bruce Wilkinson is talking about? Is this a miracle?

Before Discoveryland - Summer of 2008

Let me back up a bit.

Before I volunteered that Christmas of 2009 in Discoveryland, I still hadn't begun attending Northwoods on a regular basis by June of 2008. It was a rough patch for me. I had just finished my Master's, and I had put much time and effort into it. Therefore, I felt a sense of lonliness. Not only that, but a close friendship was changing. We were like sisters, and it then became a controlling friendship. I felt stuck, I felt frustrated, I felt like there was nothing that was my own anymore. The summer was very hard, but Northwoods became my sanctuary. The one place I could call my own. The one place I could feel completely safe and free of judgment from others and myself. I was doing things I shouldn't and eating a ton then working out a ton. Nothing in my life felt like it was in balance. It was all or nothing. I was up high or down low. I didn't know how to crawl out of the hole that I was digging deeper and deeper. The more I went to Northwoods, the more I wanted to be there. I didn't realize it at the time, but something was changing in me. The closer to Christmas it got, the closer God came to truly entering my life.

Small Groups

Northwoods is on a small group campaign to get as many people involved in a small group to help everyone understand the upcoming series, "No Ordinary Life." It is also to help people get connected in a small church. Due to my basketball coaching responsibilities, I cannot host a group of my own, but I have finally decided on a group from Washington. I'm very excited and looking forward to what this series and small group has to offer me, a baby Christian. Is someone a baby Christian after a year? I still feel like I am. I know I have grown very much in my faith and my walk with God in the past year, but there are times when I feel like I've fallen away from God when I shouldn't have, said things I shouldn't have, done things when I know there is better choice. I'm trying to get past the "good enough" mentality. Being a recovering perfectionist, I feel that this is a struggle for me. But I'm working on it.
These days I attend classes at church, volunteer with the Sunday school kids, spend time coaching softball or basketball. My days are spent teaching where I never sit. There is never a dull moment, and if there is I clean, read, or work out. Or write. I love to write and that is when my true feelings come out.
So it was in 2008 that I started to go to Northwoods. Not regularly at first. While I enjoyed it, I always waited for my friends to ask me. That continued for about four months. Off and on catching Cal's messages. The more I heard Cal speak, the more I wanted to hear. In December of 2009 I volunteered in Discoveryland, the Sunday school rooms. I'm not sure why. I guess I wanted to feel a part of something. Besides I love kids. There were 6 or 7 programs, and I helped out on a Saturday. It was organized for sure, but to me it was chaotic! There were SOOOO many kids! It was fun for sure, but I was shocked. Within a week or two, I had put my name in to be a volunteer in Discoveryland. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. So I went to a training in order to volunteer. Because of the number of people, the kids wore name tags with numbers, etc., so they could be claimed by the right people. There were many regulations and safety precautions, and the organization of it all and the complexity of it all scared me. I told the lady I wasn't ready...

Northwoods

It never ceases to amaze me. Whenever I walk out of Northwoods Community Church in Peoria, IL, the sense of peace rushes over me. I can't explain it. Or at least I thought I couldn't. Pastor Cal is such a gifted speaker and more than that he is an amazing person. I will never forget the first day my friends, Leiana and Kris Hilton, walked me into Northwoods. In the summer of 2008, I was in awe of the size of the building and the number of people. Coming from a small town in central Illinois where people in the pews rarely grew past 100, I soaked it all in. Not once did I feel like this wasn't a safe place for me. That day listening to Bill Allison ( a guest speaker), I slowly started my faith journey. Over the next few days and maybe weeks, I hope to give you a glimpse into my journey because while it hasn't always been easy...it is soooo worth it.
More to come...

Dear Lord,
Please allow this blog and the heart I put into it affect someone's life. May I be one step to the beginning of his or her own faith journey. I don't claim to understand everything at all, but for now, my faith will lead me forward to help others have a personal relationship with God as I feel I now have. Special people like Leiana and Kris, Bobbi and Dave Bucknam, Faye, Candace Wyne, Greg and Laura Volkert,and Pastor Cal are the people who have shown me love and support and are always a source of inspiration to me...help them continue to be the light for others. Thank you for filling me with the Holy Spirit. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Evangelism...my first try

Earlier in my life, I went to church, but it never meant anything. It was a Sunday thing; I was scared to death of dying. I envisioned this black hole that sucked me up, and I would get stuck in it. As a young girl, I also realized I was a perfectionist. No matter what I did, I felt it was never good enough. After college and then upon moving to Washington, I continued my self-destructive thinking. I tore myself apart any chance I got. It didn’t matter what it was about…something I did at work, my teaching abilities, how I related to my students or friends, how I looked in any clothes I owned. I hated looking in the mirror, and I began to physically self-destruct as well because of my negative thoughts. The main thing that caused me to look to Jesus was when I realized by trying to keep up with everyone else, I wasn’t staying true to myself. I was lying to myself and therefore everyone else, so I would appear happy. But I was dying inside. When I attended Northwoods by myself one January morning, Cal talked about was truly meant for me to bring change into my downward spiraling life. At the end of that message, he said a prayer. The prayer that changed my life went something like this…”Lord Jesus, I believe that you are the Son of God and that you died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin and you rose from the dead to give me life. Right now, I invite you into my life. I ask you to forgive my sins, to fill me with your Spirit and to lead me and guide me from this day forward. Change me and make me the person you want me to be. Thank you now, for coming into my life. Empower me to follow you from this day on. In Jesus’ name! Amen.” Since then, my life has really changed. For instance…I am more forgiving of myself. Of the things I cannot control, I give to God and put wholly in his hands. I pray more, put myself in others’ shoes more often. I am not haunted by my perfectionism as much because I understand now that God is the only perfect being. I feel like I am a better teacher because I don’t get as angry or upset as quickly as I used to, I can be more patient with my students and show them character, understanding, and love and through my actions they can see that I am living my life for Jesus.