I didn't think I had a personal relationship with God. Well, no, I knew I didn't. In January of 2009, I listened to Cal one snowy Sunday morning, and he asked those who prayed the Sinner's prayer with him to raise their hands. I was one of them. I was sick of not knowing Him. I wanted in on the secret. Everyone I met at Northwoods just seemed so at ease, happy, peaceful, and calm. I wanted that. Cal really touched my heart with every message, and I wondered why I had never felt awakened like I did now. After the service, I didn't really know what came next. I knew Cal was someone I had to get to know. I was drawn to him, and I felt that if I knew Cal I would somehow figure out this whole Jesus thing with his help. Plus, he is a really cool guy. I wanted to meet Cal, but he was nowhere to be seen. I asked around all the desks until I found someone that tracked him down for me. As Cal walked up to me, I felt this incredible wave of emotion. It was fear, hope, excitement, worry, and comfort all rolled into one. He gave me a hug, and said, "You are the girl in the second row." I nodded my head, and everything else was a blur. All I remember after that is Cal praying a wonderful prayer for me, giving me another hug, and taking me to get a YES packet. I listened as soon as I got home. I couldn't believe with all of those people around that he took the time to talk to me. I felt so special because of that, but I still didn't feel all that different even though I prayed the prayer that said I believe Jesus Christ is my savior. I didn't know what to think, and again the questions came rolling around in my head like fifty pinballs in one machine. Every now and then I would talk to Cal or send a short e-mail. But during the next few months, my life went into a tailspin. I let a close friend control me, and whenever I tried to address the issue I ended up saying how sorry I was and I didn't mean for me to hurt her. I was busy working on my Master's and coaching volleyball and working out nonstop to try and fit some image seen in magazines or tv shows or people around me who were everything I wasn't. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I am a perfectionist anyway, but it began to affect every single aspect of my life. I hated myself, and I didn't know how God could love me when I didn't love myself. Eventually, I severed the friendship (which was very hard), I finished my Master's with a 4.0, and life began to settle down. However, some of the damage was not reversible, and some things I was doing became a part of my life that was still causing me harm. In July of 2009, I had e-mailed Cal about something, and the next Sunday, he met my boyfriend at the time who didn't know God and didn't really care to know him either. He believed that getting to Heaven was by being a good person. I used to think that, but I was learning differently. I was upset that he cared more about drinking with friends that he did about me, but I stayed with him. We were walking up the aisle leaving when Cal called my name a couple of times before I heard. We stopped and turned. I was surprised it was Cal. So I introduced my boyfriend to Cal, and Cal asked me...he looked me right in the eye, and he said, "The lake baptism is in a couple of weeks, did you get signed up?" I told him I didn't think I was ready. He grabbed my hand, and he again looked me in the eye, and said, "You are ready, Mandi. You are ready."
I wasn't so sure. How could he know if I was ready? What did it mean to be ready? Me? This person who couldn't get her head on straight was ready? Why did he have such faith and confidence that I was? There was something about the way he said it with such conviction that I thought about it for the rest of the day.
Two days later, I signed up for the lake baptism on August 30, 2010. I will never forget it. I asked my boyfriend, my mom, and my two "Washington Moms" to come and celebrate and watch me get baptized. I was soooooooo scared. SOOOOO scared. My boyfriend wasn't going to come, my uncle, who was very sick at the time, was visiting my mom, so she didn't come. I wanted her to so badly, but she didn't. So my two Washington moms, Leiana and Shari Parker, came with me. It was a cloudy, cold day especially for August. People were in jackets and scarves. It was almost as if God was daring us to prove our faithfulness by making it such a chilly day with the cold water. After Cal's message, we went down in the front of the church and reiterated our faithfulness. I then changed into my shirt. I was sent downstairs to the bathroom, and I was the only one in there. I couldn't believe that I was the only one. There were a ton of people up front. That made me even MORE scared than I already was. I finally went upstairs after taking some deep breaths and I was directed outside. My "Moms" were there, and they gave me hugs and let me down toward the water. After such a long five months of torment and negativism, I so anticipated the event, yet I was just so scared. I stood by both of them and just watched. I told them I wanted Cal to be the one to baptize me. Leiana pushed me ahead and said, "Go on. You are ready to start your new life with Jesus at the center of it." Cal's line was empty, and I stepped in the water. It was a little chilly, but I just focused on Cal. It was then that he saw me, and as I took tentative steps toward him he opened his arms so wide. When he gave me that big bear hug and whispered how special I am to God, I wasn't scared anymore...to be continued.
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