God's Hands

I was driving home from meeting my sister at Kohl's to give her a change of clothes. It was then that I put my right hand at the top of the steering wheel. I had my IPOD hooked up and was jammin' to the likes of Jeremy Camp, Fee, Casting Crowns, Downhere, and more. I was singing "You are Everything." That is when I noticed it. Through the clouds, it looked as if fingers were stretching out toward me. The light shone through just like it looks at Northwoods during worship. The stream of light is smoky yet runs deep. It causes you to stare through it, in it, and see beyond it. The fingers stretched across the sky wider than you could imagine and reached toward me as if to call me home. I took a picture with my phone. I am not sure how well it turned it, but I just wanted to capture the moment. My hand still on the top of the steering wheel, I opened it and stretched my fingers comparing them to the sky above. The similarity was there. It moment just touched me heart, and it will probably mean nothing to others, but it meant something to me. I feel as if God is revealing himself to me more and more each day. I have my small group to thank for that, the people in my class, Doing What Jesus Did, the wonderful people who love me and believe in me, the Christians who help guide me and give me lots of hugs, and Cal, for being the brave, amazing, Awesome pastor that he is!

Life can be hard, but life is oh so good.

I find myself trying to hard to deliver God's miracles, and I need to look for the signals Cal talked about in church today. Can't wait to see what this week brings.

I had this dream...

One day last week, I had a terrible, horrible day filled with negative thoughts and beating myself up over the smallest things. I would almost cry at any little thing. I was frustrated, upset, and short-tempered, and I really hated myself for being like that. I tried to stop, but the enemy sure had me that day. It was terrible, and it was everything that was driving me crazy. My busy schedule, the neediness of my students, the frustration with not knowing how to coach basketball, the guilt and sadness associated with a predicament with my fiance all contributed to collective disgust and hatred. I went to bed upset and mad at the world. Then I had this dream...

There were rows and rows of beautiful, old houses. The kind people like to fix up and restore to the original craftsmanship. They were covered with layers and layers of tiny, intricate, unique snowflakes as if those minute flakes were trying to protect the houses from decay. My dad was walking beside me almost behind me. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him talking. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. It was all muffled coming in staccato sounds. Everything was covered with white, white snow. We had shovels in our hands, but we didn't shovel the snow. We walked along the buried sidewalk. Together. Even though the flakes grew bigger and bigger falling like a rainbow of Skittles, the air didn't feel one bit cold. I felt safe with my dad, a sense of urgency and anxiousness plagued me. Then clear as a bell, my dad said, "Look up ahead. What do you see?"
"It's green. That doesn't make sense. It is green. Why can we see the grass?" I asked puzzled.
The house looked as it would on a fall evening after the first frost. No birds or animals running around. Just still. Silent. Peaceful. Calm. We stood on the snowy sidewalk looking at the pavement just a few feet ahead, at the pungent green color of the grass around the house, the intricate designs on the shutters. He said, "Make a choice. Now. How do you want to live?"
Still not able to see my father, I tried to turn my neck toward him and couldn't because my eyes were connected to the green as if by a magnetic field.
"Look at the peacefulness. Find your Calm," he said commanding me to do so as if I didn't really have a choice in the matter.
"Father," I begged.
"Yes, my child," he said with a deep voice that I recognized as God's voice. "I am here...always."

That is when I woke up. I think it was God. He was calling to me when I was fed up with everything, stretched to my breaking point. He reached out to me when my defenses were down, when I couldn't second guess myself. He was telling me He loves me.

And when people say, "The good Lord knows I needed it," whatever it may be at the time, well, he REALLY does KNOW.

Thank you, God, for your presence in my life.

Why?

Why is it that I get so excited during the message at church? I am ready to go out and let God work his miracles through me. Then I get out there and...(crickets).



Why do I let the little things bother me?
Why am I energetic and ready to tackle the world's problems one day and mad at the world the next?
Why do I feel so 'worth' it one day and lower than pond scum the next?
Why do I stuff myself so full only to feel guilty about all I have eaten later when I am trying to fit into a wedding dress!!!!
Why do I worry when I need to give it up to God. He has a plan.
Why do I not trust in Him enough? What do I do when I feel myself start to shut down?
Why does life have to get in the way?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love teaching because I really can change lives that way. The way you tease, react to situations, the way you give kids the chances to redeem themselves, build them up, pat them on the back, love them especially when they don't get that love from home. All those matter. I matter. I guess that is why I love teaching so much. I matter. In at least one kid's life. I matter.

Holy Spirit

Hearing Bruce Wilkinson today at Northwoods really touched my heart. When we were up front committing ourselves to listening to the Holy Spirit in our everyday lives, I truly felt something. It was the weird thing, but I felt as if I was being held by something or...another. I felt as light as a feather, and I had a weird taste in my mouth. After I got my book signed, he said to me, "It is a challenge isn't it?" I told him I was up for the challenge. I was ready to go out and say, "What can I do for you?" I think I was looking too hard for someone. I just need to relax a little, and if I feel a nudge go for it. I am questioning myself too much. After church, I went grocery shopping, and it is the same people who work every Sunday when I go. I thought, "should I ask them what I can do for them? They are always so pleasant!" I didn't though. I wondered if I missed out. In the checkout line, Omar packs my bags every Sunday. I told him I remembered him and asked if he worked every Sunday. He said yes and asked if he could push the cart out for me. I said no, thanks, and have a good day then went on my way. I think next time I might say, Thanks, Omar, I would appreciate that, and find out a little bit more about it. Ask him what his story is. Who knows? Maybe I'm supposed to ask. I can't wait for the week to begin. I truly understand that the Holy Spirit is living in me, and I think I just heard Him say, "Hello, it is about time, girl!"

Oh no.

So I was reading over my last post, and I decided I was partly wrong in that some people truly enjoy being alone. Maybe not just all the time. Who am I to say that some people aren't being honest if they say they are happy when they are alone. Maybe I am just the type of person that loves being around people, loves caring for people, loves helping people. But sometimes, I do enjoy that quiet moment of prayer, the porch swing creaking as it rocks, the time in my car with the radio turned off and just peace. I hope I didn't offend anyone...not that anyone reads this! Although I hope they do. I guess my main point is that relationships are extremely important and are what make us who we are in this life. Our friendships, our relationships with our parents and siblings. Our relationship with GOD! I just wanted to point out that the People Key is so important, and without relationships we would all be lost souls. Hope I am making sense and not just rambling. Peace.

The People Key

Anyone who claims to be completely happy when he or she is alone is someone who is not being honest with him or herself. Isn't that why people stay in abusive relationships? Isn't that why I dated a guy I knew I would never marry for longer than I should have? Isn't that why we (well most of us) are always looking for that person with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives, with whom we want to raise a family, with whom we want to laugh, cry, get through the hard times, cherish the good times, and worship the Lord? The People Key really is a crucial key. Relationships matter. How others view you matters.

Now dealing with people isn't always easy whether it is with a future husband or wife, colleague, boss, friend, sibling, parent, or stranger. But no one said life was easy for everyone, everyday, everywhere. Some are in a better position at any given time than others, so that is why we must make God's agenda our own. That is why we must be delivery agents and flow with God's plans.

Cal talked about us being Triple A Agents. Anyone! Anytime! Anywhere! We need to be willing to carry out God's plan - no matter the person, setting, or whatever. It is not what suits us, but part of God's master plan. If we are willing, if we take off our preferred people glasses, maybe just maybe by obeying God, you will bless someone in ways you can't imagine.

Cal said, "Even when there is no great outcome to your miracle delivery assignment, God will bless you for your simple childlike obedience." I believe that sometimes there is no way of knowing how great the outcome truly is. I had a bad week last week regarding basketball. I was feeling completely insecure, I was feeling sorry for myself, I was regretting the decision to coach and help out the family who needed it, I was discouraged by reports of the girl's dad and his smoking habit. It was all about me, poor, poor me. Then two wonderful ladies saw my heart was hurting, and they prayed for me. That is all it took to rejuvenate me. To say, "ENOUGH! You were moved to do this for a reason. Love the girls, teach the girls the game and more importantly good character." I felt so much better after I walked out of the church that night, and even though we lost three games this weekend, I know I was a much better coach because of it. So thank you Diana and April. I don't know how 'great' you thought the outcome of your simple prayer and hugs would be, but I like to think that they helped me to reach out to 11 girls and who knows how many people they will affect in their future. Maybe the will remember something really cool I said or did that will help change someone else's life.
The People Key really is what it is all about. I challenge everyone to make God's agenda your own. Make yourself available to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Then you may truly begin to understand how fulfilling your life may be.

Smile

All it takes is for someone to say something nice and it can change your whole day around. I have been struggling with coaching basketball. I am not confident in myself at all, yet no one else would step up to do it. I just don't think I am serving these kids like someone else could be. All last week I was hearing the voice of the enemy...tearing myself to shreds over basketball. I was selfish thinking about all that it was keeping me from...the things I really wanted to do like my small group and my class at church, from working out, from just sitting on the couch watching tv, or taking walks with my fiance. Then beginning on Friday through today, 8, yes 8, people either texted me or told me to my face or through e-mail what a good job I do with the girls. They told me how positive I am, how much those girls need me, and that I am really making a difference in most if not all of their lives. The comments made me smile. I needed them and the prayers of those who told me they would. It helps to know that someone out there is thinking about you when you think no one is. Cal told me when I feel myself start to drift from God, I need to take a step back and cling to Him. Grab onto the Word, grab onto the power of the Holy Spirit within me so I can continue His good works through me. Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere. Smile and get that Triple A mentality!

Small Group goes above and beyond:Bball update

If you remember the story about my basketball player's dad, here is an update. Her dad is struggling mightily right now. I haven't talked to him in over a week, and I am very anxious to see him again. I have been giving his daughter gum and notes to encourage him. When I went to my small group meeting on Thursday, there was a gum bag sitting on the counter. I was told it was for the basketball player's dad. I almost started crying. I was shocked by their generosity, love, and desire for him to succeed...someone they didn't even know. Thank you to all who contributed. It means so much to me, and I know when I see him next he will be better off because of you! Updates to come. Dear Lord, May Mr. G. have a breakthrough soon. Give him the strength to overcome this deadly addiction so he can cherish and love his family for many days to come. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Journey to God continued...

I didn't think I had a personal relationship with God. Well, no, I knew I didn't. In January of 2009, I listened to Cal one snowy Sunday morning, and he asked those who prayed the Sinner's prayer with him to raise their hands. I was one of them. I was sick of not knowing Him. I wanted in on the secret. Everyone I met at Northwoods just seemed so at ease, happy, peaceful, and calm. I wanted that. Cal really touched my heart with every message, and I wondered why I had never felt awakened like I did now. After the service, I didn't really know what came next. I knew Cal was someone I had to get to know. I was drawn to him, and I felt that if I knew Cal I would somehow figure out this whole Jesus thing with his help. Plus, he is a really cool guy. I wanted to meet Cal, but he was nowhere to be seen. I asked around all the desks until I found someone that tracked him down for me. As Cal walked up to me, I felt this incredible wave of emotion. It was fear, hope, excitement, worry, and comfort all rolled into one. He gave me a hug, and said, "You are the girl in the second row." I nodded my head, and everything else was a blur. All I remember after that is Cal praying a wonderful prayer for me, giving me another hug, and taking me to get a YES packet. I listened as soon as I got home. I couldn't believe with all of those people around that he took the time to talk to me. I felt so special because of that, but I still didn't feel all that different even though I prayed the prayer that said I believe Jesus Christ is my savior. I didn't know what to think, and again the questions came rolling around in my head like fifty pinballs in one machine. Every now and then I would talk to Cal or send a short e-mail. But during the next few months, my life went into a tailspin. I let a close friend control me, and whenever I tried to address the issue I ended up saying how sorry I was and I didn't mean for me to hurt her. I was busy working on my Master's and coaching volleyball and working out nonstop to try and fit some image seen in magazines or tv shows or people around me who were everything I wasn't. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I am a perfectionist anyway, but it began to affect every single aspect of my life. I hated myself, and I didn't know how God could love me when I didn't love myself. Eventually, I severed the friendship (which was very hard), I finished my Master's with a 4.0, and life began to settle down. However, some of the damage was not reversible, and some things I was doing became a part of my life that was still causing me harm. In July of 2009, I had e-mailed Cal about something, and the next Sunday, he met my boyfriend at the time who didn't know God and didn't really care to know him either. He believed that getting to Heaven was by being a good person. I used to think that, but I was learning differently. I was upset that he cared more about drinking with friends that he did about me, but I stayed with him. We were walking up the aisle leaving when Cal called my name a couple of times before I heard. We stopped and turned. I was surprised it was Cal. So I introduced my boyfriend to Cal, and Cal asked me...he looked me right in the eye, and he said, "The lake baptism is in a couple of weeks, did you get signed up?" I told him I didn't think I was ready. He grabbed my hand, and he again looked me in the eye, and said, "You are ready, Mandi. You are ready."
I wasn't so sure. How could he know if I was ready? What did it mean to be ready? Me? This person who couldn't get her head on straight was ready? Why did he have such faith and confidence that I was? There was something about the way he said it with such conviction that I thought about it for the rest of the day.
Two days later, I signed up for the lake baptism on August 30, 2010. I will never forget it. I asked my boyfriend, my mom, and my two "Washington Moms" to come and celebrate and watch me get baptized. I was soooooooo scared. SOOOOO scared. My boyfriend wasn't going to come, my uncle, who was very sick at the time, was visiting my mom, so she didn't come. I wanted her to so badly, but she didn't. So my two Washington moms, Leiana and Shari Parker, came with me. It was a cloudy, cold day especially for August. People were in jackets and scarves. It was almost as if God was daring us to prove our faithfulness by making it such a chilly day with the cold water. After Cal's message, we went down in the front of the church and reiterated our faithfulness. I then changed into my shirt. I was sent downstairs to the bathroom, and I was the only one in there. I couldn't believe that I was the only one. There were a ton of people up front. That made me even MORE scared than I already was. I finally went upstairs after taking some deep breaths and I was directed outside. My "Moms" were there, and they gave me hugs and let me down toward the water. After such a long five months of torment and negativism, I so anticipated the event, yet I was just so scared. I stood by both of them and just watched. I told them I wanted Cal to be the one to baptize me. Leiana pushed me ahead and said, "Go on. You are ready to start your new life with Jesus at the center of it." Cal's line was empty, and I stepped in the water. It was a little chilly, but I just focused on Cal. It was then that he saw me, and as I took tentative steps toward him he opened his arms so wide. When he gave me that big bear hug and whispered how special I am to God, I wasn't scared anymore...to be continued.

Journey to God continued...

So I left off in late 2008 where I would hit and miss church at Northwoods, but I felt something stirring inside. Some magnetic force pulling me to Northwoods. It was like when you hold two magnets close together, but you don't let them touch. You feel the power pulling, pulling; yet you resist the force and do not allow the magnets to touch each other. So imagine Northwoods as one magnet and me as the other. I felt the pull, the desire to be there, but I so often resisted it. I don't know if I was scared or what. Even though I attended church and Sunday school my whole life, I didn't understand the true meaning of the gifts I had been given. Baptism was more a declaration of what church you go to or attend on a weekly basis rather than a public declaration of the acceptance of Jesus Christ as your God and Savior. I didn't get it. All of these questions kept popping up in my head. I always turned to Leiana and Kris. They always told me I am thinking too much with my head and that God is a matter of the heart. Last night in a class at Northwoods, Bobbi said those same words, and I was reminded that God is with me at all times. I need to put my faith and trust back in Him.
That Christmas I attended a service and was amazed at the amount of time and effort went into it. Cal's message about opening your heart to Jesus to be saved really made me think. I didn't think I had that relationship with Him...(I better go, or I will be late for work.)
More to come on MY Story...always look for title Journey to God continued...

Be blessed today.

Are you AVAILable?

There is this thing called life. Sometimes it moves at a snail's pace when one is looking forward to an event. Sometimes it moves so fast it is like the blink of an eye. Other times we let all the hustle and bustle and activities and responsibilities get the best of us. We put things first that shouldn't be. We think of ourselves before others, before God. We contemplate why things don't go our way. Then you meet someone with cancer. Or a kid whose mom is dying. A guy whose striving to bring others to Christ while his own body fails him. You finally stop to realize that you aren't focusing on the right things. That you want more for yourself. And when you prayer the prayer that asks God to allow you to be his delivery person. To send YOU. You focus once again on what truly matters in this world. Living Like Jesus.

Today, Pastor Cal challenged us to prayer this prayer every day during our small group journey..."Today I am a delivery person for God. Please, Lord, send me." He dared us to do so. I accept the challenge. Do you? Do you accept the Master Key? The key that gives you Access to the throne room of heaven? Do you Volunteer to do His good works? Do you Agree (in advance) to act when you are nudged by God? Do you Invite God's spirit into your life to lead and empower you? Do you Look for God's activity as you go through the day?

I never thought I would be able to perform miracles. I think I have had the taste of one, and I want more. I am AVAILable to you, God. Please send me on a miracle mission today and forever more.
Do you accept? Grab the Master Key and go for it!

(based on Cal Rychener's message on Oct 2-3, 2010 and also based on Bruce Wilkinson's book, You Were Born For This)