"You're Not Alone" DownHere

I just LOVE that song. I was rushing around this morning trying to get ready, and it came on the radio. It is so true, and I have to trust that more than I do. I guess that is why they call new Christians 'Baby Christians."

Pastor Cal's mother passed away recently, and I only saw her once from afar. It was during Cal's birthday celebration. All of his brothers and sisters came to church and sang together. It was awesome. I just remember watching her smile proudly at her son as he spoke. He has touched a lot of lives through his work in the ministry, and I know she probably couldn't express how incredible she thought her son was. I am not a mother YET, but I am a teacher. So much of what a person is like is a direct result of their parents. So to Mrs. Rychener's testament she did one amazing job being the mother of all of her children. To have lived a fulfilling, God-centered life and being going home to her Maker must be some sort of comfort for Cal and his family. My heart and prayers go out to them during this time of sweet sorrow. I am proud to be a part of the Northwoods family who has such an amazing leader. Mrs. Rychener...ya done good!

I had a dream that I was in Discoveryland, and Cal was there. He told me that his mom had passed away. Then all of a sudden my mom appears. She talked to Cal and to me. To see her at Northwoods was awesome. A great surprise visit. Maybe it was a sign of great things to come. She left, and Cal told me to just love her. I don't call as often as I should. I think I need to give her a call today and just tell her how much I love her.

Side Note: Talked to M's dad last night. Only had 2 cigarettes all day. I am so proud of him. He talked of needing some motivation and wanting to motivate M to do her best as well. He took the first step. Now I'm ready to encourage. I'm going to buy him a big tub of gum.

I Think God May Have Intervened Today

I coach the 6th and 7th grade girls basketball team at my school. I am taking the place of a guy whose wife had some type of stroke. She is doing much better (Thank you, God!), however, he needs to be home with his kids and wife right now. No one else would step up to the plate to help him out, so I did. I always think, "What if that was my family, and no one would help me out?" I guess I did the right thing. I don't know. My heart was telling me to help out, and if my heart is telling me that well it is probably God or the Holy Spirit or does that mean both of them (?) saying, "Get your butt out there and do some good!" Despite my hesitancy, despite my lack of self-confidence, despite a lot of things, I felt smacked upside the head today by God who seemed to tell me that I need to trust in Him no matter what, and I will be able to help people like I want to. I was reviewing chapters 1 through 3 in Bruce Wilkinson's book, You Were Born For This, for my small group meeting. In them, he talks of God wanting to use everyday people to do his good work. We just have to be open and willing and trust that God is in control.
Our first game was tonight, and I woke up irritable and nervous. While I was getting ready, I prayed to God. I said, "God, please help me to calm down. To trust myself and know that I will do the best job I can. God, please use me today to perform some small miracle...no matter how small. I don't care. Just use me to do some good deeds and help others." After I said that prayer, I felt better. Calmer. Ready to start the day.
The day flew by, and before I knew it, lunch was being served. Before I went to the lounge to eat my yogurt and grapes, I filled out the basketball book and marked in the starters. All morning, I was deciding between two girls. One was taller. The other shorter and a little quicker. I went with the shorter one. I am not sure why really. I think it had to do with her constant effort at practice. With her drive to succeed. With her knowledge of the plays compared to others. I was proud of her, and I knew I wanted to reward her for her hard work. During study hall with my homeroom students, the boys were trying to guess who the starters were. One boy guessed them all correctly on the first try. I asked him why he would choose the girl I had chosen, 'M'. He said, "Not sure, really." Besides the fact that 'M' works hard, I didn't have a much better reason. It just felt right. I can't really explain it, but I knew I was making the right decision. Not three hours later in the gym, the girls and I were getting ready to run through plays one last time. I told them who the starters were and 'M' goes, "Really! I am starting! YES!YES!YES!" Now I am not one to let bragging slide by, so I asked her why she reacted that way. She proceeded to tell me the following (to the best of my memory)...
Miss Cioni, you won't believe this. Oh, I am so happy right now. Okay, well, my dad promised me...well, all my life my dad has smoked. He smoked cigarettes since he was like 18. He went to work this morning, and then called my mom around 6:00 or 6:30. Well, he told my mom that if I started tonight he was going to QUIT SMOKING.
[I am not sure of the look on my face, but I can't imagine how hard it is to quit smoking, and I really hope he can do it. Not only for M, but also for his own health.)
"Really, M? Wow. I just want you to know that it is super hard to quit smoking, and there will be ups and downs with it. Good days and Bad days. But we will help him through it okay? Sometimes people just need a reason. And hey, darling, you're it. Couldn't have a better reason, huh!"
She beamed, and she continues.
I am so excited. I can't believe this!

At that moment, I was just happy for her and knew I made the right decision. We were practicing plays, and I was focused on other things. So after the game, I talked to M's mom. We discussed the situation, and she asked me if I knew about it. I told her I didn't know a thing about it until M told me, and...I stopped there. When I began again, I had a new perspective. In about two seconds, fifty thoughts flashed across my brain. Was this God? Did he nudge me in the direction of M starting? What were my reasons for starting her? If someone else was coaching, would she have started ?(I'm not so sure that she would have even though she deserved to.) Did this have something to do with my prayer? and a million other thoughts!

Did God SHOW UP today? To see the smile on that little girl's face, I can't tell you how incredible it feels. I didn't know that her dad just called on a whim. I didn't know! That is what makes it so cool. I used to be one of those people who would say it is a coincidence. Well, now I think it is a 'Godincidence' completely orchestrated by Him.

If this is the reason I am coaching basketball this year...to help this dad quit smoking so he can be healthier for his family and himself, so he can make great memories with her as she gets older, so he can live a full, LONGER life...then it is totally worth it.
Hey, we all have things we want to work on. I know I have a few habits I need to kick very badly, so M, you and your dad inspired me too.

Is this what Bruce Wilkinson is talking about? Is this a miracle?

Before Discoveryland - Summer of 2008

Let me back up a bit.

Before I volunteered that Christmas of 2009 in Discoveryland, I still hadn't begun attending Northwoods on a regular basis by June of 2008. It was a rough patch for me. I had just finished my Master's, and I had put much time and effort into it. Therefore, I felt a sense of lonliness. Not only that, but a close friendship was changing. We were like sisters, and it then became a controlling friendship. I felt stuck, I felt frustrated, I felt like there was nothing that was my own anymore. The summer was very hard, but Northwoods became my sanctuary. The one place I could call my own. The one place I could feel completely safe and free of judgment from others and myself. I was doing things I shouldn't and eating a ton then working out a ton. Nothing in my life felt like it was in balance. It was all or nothing. I was up high or down low. I didn't know how to crawl out of the hole that I was digging deeper and deeper. The more I went to Northwoods, the more I wanted to be there. I didn't realize it at the time, but something was changing in me. The closer to Christmas it got, the closer God came to truly entering my life.

Small Groups

Northwoods is on a small group campaign to get as many people involved in a small group to help everyone understand the upcoming series, "No Ordinary Life." It is also to help people get connected in a small church. Due to my basketball coaching responsibilities, I cannot host a group of my own, but I have finally decided on a group from Washington. I'm very excited and looking forward to what this series and small group has to offer me, a baby Christian. Is someone a baby Christian after a year? I still feel like I am. I know I have grown very much in my faith and my walk with God in the past year, but there are times when I feel like I've fallen away from God when I shouldn't have, said things I shouldn't have, done things when I know there is better choice. I'm trying to get past the "good enough" mentality. Being a recovering perfectionist, I feel that this is a struggle for me. But I'm working on it.
These days I attend classes at church, volunteer with the Sunday school kids, spend time coaching softball or basketball. My days are spent teaching where I never sit. There is never a dull moment, and if there is I clean, read, or work out. Or write. I love to write and that is when my true feelings come out.
So it was in 2008 that I started to go to Northwoods. Not regularly at first. While I enjoyed it, I always waited for my friends to ask me. That continued for about four months. Off and on catching Cal's messages. The more I heard Cal speak, the more I wanted to hear. In December of 2009 I volunteered in Discoveryland, the Sunday school rooms. I'm not sure why. I guess I wanted to feel a part of something. Besides I love kids. There were 6 or 7 programs, and I helped out on a Saturday. It was organized for sure, but to me it was chaotic! There were SOOOO many kids! It was fun for sure, but I was shocked. Within a week or two, I had put my name in to be a volunteer in Discoveryland. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. So I went to a training in order to volunteer. Because of the number of people, the kids wore name tags with numbers, etc., so they could be claimed by the right people. There were many regulations and safety precautions, and the organization of it all and the complexity of it all scared me. I told the lady I wasn't ready...

Northwoods

It never ceases to amaze me. Whenever I walk out of Northwoods Community Church in Peoria, IL, the sense of peace rushes over me. I can't explain it. Or at least I thought I couldn't. Pastor Cal is such a gifted speaker and more than that he is an amazing person. I will never forget the first day my friends, Leiana and Kris Hilton, walked me into Northwoods. In the summer of 2008, I was in awe of the size of the building and the number of people. Coming from a small town in central Illinois where people in the pews rarely grew past 100, I soaked it all in. Not once did I feel like this wasn't a safe place for me. That day listening to Bill Allison ( a guest speaker), I slowly started my faith journey. Over the next few days and maybe weeks, I hope to give you a glimpse into my journey because while it hasn't always been easy...it is soooo worth it.
More to come...

Dear Lord,
Please allow this blog and the heart I put into it affect someone's life. May I be one step to the beginning of his or her own faith journey. I don't claim to understand everything at all, but for now, my faith will lead me forward to help others have a personal relationship with God as I feel I now have. Special people like Leiana and Kris, Bobbi and Dave Bucknam, Faye, Candace Wyne, Greg and Laura Volkert,and Pastor Cal are the people who have shown me love and support and are always a source of inspiration to me...help them continue to be the light for others. Thank you for filling me with the Holy Spirit. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Evangelism...my first try

Earlier in my life, I went to church, but it never meant anything. It was a Sunday thing; I was scared to death of dying. I envisioned this black hole that sucked me up, and I would get stuck in it. As a young girl, I also realized I was a perfectionist. No matter what I did, I felt it was never good enough. After college and then upon moving to Washington, I continued my self-destructive thinking. I tore myself apart any chance I got. It didn’t matter what it was about…something I did at work, my teaching abilities, how I related to my students or friends, how I looked in any clothes I owned. I hated looking in the mirror, and I began to physically self-destruct as well because of my negative thoughts. The main thing that caused me to look to Jesus was when I realized by trying to keep up with everyone else, I wasn’t staying true to myself. I was lying to myself and therefore everyone else, so I would appear happy. But I was dying inside. When I attended Northwoods by myself one January morning, Cal talked about was truly meant for me to bring change into my downward spiraling life. At the end of that message, he said a prayer. The prayer that changed my life went something like this…”Lord Jesus, I believe that you are the Son of God and that you died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin and you rose from the dead to give me life. Right now, I invite you into my life. I ask you to forgive my sins, to fill me with your Spirit and to lead me and guide me from this day forward. Change me and make me the person you want me to be. Thank you now, for coming into my life. Empower me to follow you from this day on. In Jesus’ name! Amen.” Since then, my life has really changed. For instance…I am more forgiving of myself. Of the things I cannot control, I give to God and put wholly in his hands. I pray more, put myself in others’ shoes more often. I am not haunted by my perfectionism as much because I understand now that God is the only perfect being. I feel like I am a better teacher because I don’t get as angry or upset as quickly as I used to, I can be more patient with my students and show them character, understanding, and love and through my actions they can see that I am living my life for Jesus.